Day 18 and three quarters

The one I love
Just told me
after Shaq pizza(french fries, bbq sauce, bacon)
that I paid for
and fresh carrot juice
and Volt
during the walk home
that she doesn't notice
when I'm not around
Doesn't notice
when I
Disappear
Said I
should be more vocal
when I disappear. . .

I told her she hurt my feelings
She just laughed
threatened to throw herself off the short cliff-steep-hill
(The one I went sledding down last winter
on trays stolen from the cafeteria
after I broke down and cried
And she wasn't around)
down into the parking lot

I didn't react
I was trying not to cry.
She pouted, said 'I'm an idiot!'
and I trudged
the long walk
back to the house.
She does not comfort me
when we get back
though I'm pouting, storming, crying
inside
like a five year old who was just told
Santa Claus isn't real.

She just turns away. And stares at her computer.
To the only one I'd pretended I'd mattered to
The only one I thought would miss me if I
disappeared
just told me
she wouldn't even notice
unless I said something first
and even then
I'll admit to you
if you promise not to tell:
I don't think she'd even try to stop me.