Day 14

UGH! I thought I knew
exactly what
both of them wanted
and how to balance it
but I see now
that Jose and John
are on completely different ends of the spectrum
I don't know how to integrate
these two ideas any other way
I am confused.
Medicine is Medicine
I thought to integrate
Our Technology with Their Technology
in terms they use for Their Technology,
And extrapolate how the social structure changes. . .
John wants to see more of Their Technology,
Belief System, Magic, Healing, Medicine,
What Our Technology might mean to Them, how they might interpret that.
Jose thinks its bullshit.
He thinks its invalid, because Medicine is Medicine
We don't need this spiritual bullshit
But do it anyways, it will make the other guy happy.
I don't want my paper
that Ive spent a whole semester working on
(In a quarter system, thats a lot of time)
Three Whole Class Equivalents
just to have half of it brushed aside
Like its a load of bullshit
Like it doesnt really matter,
its just a school paper. . .
but I put a lot of my heart and effort into this paper
and trying to make both sides happy
is destroying me.
Jose cares only about the technology
Thinks the rest is "bullshit"
John only cares about the society
Thinks the rest is less important.

I feel like everyone's mad at me
for not understanding how to integrate
everything
that everyone wants.
without making my paper worthless.

My partner doesnt understand
that any concept has changed since the beginning
he thinks our original proposal
is just fine and dandy
but obviously
(I found out, once I wrote an outline)
This isn't what anybody wants. at all.
I'm so lost and nobodys around
to help
just like always
I am tired of trying to find my way
dragging my slacker IQP partner
tired of trying to please two people
who contradict each other at every meeting.

How do you say nicely,
"John, Jose thinks your ideas arent valid"
"Jose, I'm not going to throw aside all these books I read"
"John, how am I supposed to pick out which parts of an autobiography to read? Which parts of a nonfiction story? The chapters aren't labeled by what happens, only by obscure references that make sense at the end of the chapter. Even so, how would I understand who the people were, what they did, what was happening and the relevance of it, without reading the entire thing?"
"Jose, you hurt my feelings when you said all the work I did was on an unrealistic topic, and that all the nonfiction was fake"

How do you tell them,
"You're being contradictory of each other." when your partner sits there and nods and smiles and says, Everything is fine! I dunno why she's bitching and freaking out!
and nobody will answer your questions
because they think your partner has a handle
when really
all he can say to explain is,
Look at the original proposal
Which is no longer valid
because Jose said it was bullshit
and John said its focus was all wrong.

Why isn't there anyone
near
to help me?????????????????????????????????????????